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R. Kelly and other things about me and Loner. Lover. Friend

What does Loner. Lover. Friend mean?

If you're an R. Kelly fan, and indeed who isn't (sure he has had his very weird rumours and moments, but who doesn't love the remix to Ignition, or have a little more appreciation for his lyrics after Benedict Cumberbatch's reading of Genius) then you might have noticed I have accidentally called my blog after his song Homie. Lover. Friend. Initially I thought maybe my tagline for this could be something, like "because you are your best homie!" but then I realised that
a) that didn't really make sense even if Homie. Lover. Friend was just a cute saying to be printed on a t-shirt and
b) I had completely misunderstood the phrase Homie. Lover. Friend, and maybe I should stop dressing that t-shirt up with a pencil skirt and wearing it to important meetings.

According to Urban Dictionary:

Def: Homie- Lover- Friend

1. Somebody that is your Homegurl/homeboi, that you kick it with, have sex with, and trust.
2. The dude nobody knows ur secretly having sex with, everyone thinks ur "best friends"
3.Yall both are in relationships but cant get enough of each other.

So in conclusion nothing to do with this blog.

Really I have called this blog Loner. Lover. Friend as I want it to be something which focuses on making your life lovely whether you are hanging with your "boo" (as R. Kelly may indeed say), chilling with your pals or are having fun all by yourself. Things to do in London with your mister, sisters or all by yourself.

Who am I and why I am I bothering you with my thoughts?

For some context: So as I sit here and write this it is the 17th July 2014. Maybe in a few years time I will look back on this blog I still write and think, oh those days. Unlikely as the last blog I started, I only posted 3 times and all my page views were from my Dad. So maybe I will look back and cringe. Either way, behold all this evidence of my poor money management on the internet, for evermore my Mum and mortgage advisors to see:

My name is Vicky. These are the 10 things wrong with my life right now:
Her news
1. I am on the train, and my friend just texted me to say Beyonce and Jay Z are splitting up, which is hell enough for starters, but now because of stupid train signal the damn Daily Mail page won't load and I will never know!(/I will have to wait until later) And oh it just can't be can it? Remember the time when the camera panned to his little face when she revealed her bump at the VMAs
His face. AWWWW.
? Or when he danced to Drunk in Love with her at the Grammy's even though dancing is not really his calling in life? How could a love that true end? That there is even a rumour that Beyjay are splitting up, let alone any truth in it, is a big thing wrong with my life. I thought I had taken all I could take with the Solange in the lift incident, and now this. Now this.
2. I ran for this train, and it is very hot, and I am panicking I forgot to put deodrant on.
3. It is 7 days, 6 hours and 42 minutes until my next paycheck and I only have £86 left across my 2 overdrafts, and a festival to get through with this.
4. I haven't paid my council tax, which is £105 (thanks a bunch you crazy borough of Tower Hamlets, £105 a month for a 1 bedroom, gees louise) and will drain me and then some of my aforementioned £86. So basically scratch number 3, it should read, I have no money and I am going to have to sell my precious belongings to pay Tower Hamlet's extortionate council tax rates.
5. In general I spend too much money on nail varnishes and dresses and don't have enough left to keep up with key bills, like council tax. I am, as that man in David Copperfield would say, the one that spends a penny too much all the time (apart from in my case it is more like £100, not a penny, but hey) and thus will never be happy.
6. I work full time. Ok, so that is not something completely wrong with my life, but hear me out: I don't mean to be ungrateful, I realise at a time when loads of people struggle to get the job they want I am very lucky, and that my full time work is what funds my Beyonce dance classes, and my nail varnish and dress shopping habit. It also of course gives my life purpose, a sense of achievement that is mine and mine alone, independence, control all of that good stuff; all I am saying is do I need this 5 days out of 7? Considering there is aimless sun lounging to do, marshmallow twizzles to eat in Starbucks, episodes of Ex on the Beach to watch? Part time people, that is what I am saying. Or at least flexi time, no?
7. I am a bit fat. Not like people would look in the street fat, just I've looked up my BMI and it is a little bit over, and I would always choose a swimsuit over a bikini. Unless maybe it was a very flattering high waisted one. 
8. As a result of point 7, I have attempted to give up sugar, as I have all the signs of addiction but yesterday I broke and had an Oreo cookie milkshake.
9. Oreo cookie milkshakes have 750 calories in them. Why could I not have just had a biscuit?
10. I worry a lot. I've always been a worrier. When I was 7 and I learnt what meningitis was, and that basically I could catch a disease and die, I ran to my Dad with every blemish, any slight change in colour in my skin, convinced I had only hours to live. When I was in secondary school, I pretty much had to down a bottle of Bach's Rescue Remedy and overdose on Kalms before taking an exam, or opening any results. I almost didn't go on my first holiday away with friends aged 17, as I thought people stabbing you with a needle which said "welcome to the world of HIV" was a thing in Malia nightclubs. Even when all my clubbing and exam taking worries left me, and I calmed down once I was working I still thought my hands were aching all the time. And then I met Will. And for a few months, I lived in worry-less existence. Except for one day, when he didn't pick up the phone - he'd obviously done this a zillion times before - because he was busy, because his phone was on silent in another room, because he was napping. But this one time, I was sure he had a terrible accident. He hadn't of course. But then whenever anyone didn't answer the phone, or was 10 minutes late, or didn't respond to my email quick enough I worried. And although I've found ways to control and let go of my anxiety now, I can never quite snap out of it...it makes me a pretty clingy girlfriend sometimes, I am always texting my boyfriend asking him when he will be home for dinner, and I do weird things like taking videos of him sleeping because I think he looks adorable. It makes me not the greatest friend, because I too often choose my boyfriend over time with them, and send them way too many videos of him asleep. And it makes me a terrible loner, I just hate being alone with my thoughts, which so often turn against me and make me worry.

So why Loner. Lover. Friend?

Well in short I think it will solve basically all of my problems. And on a less narcissistic note, maybe some of yours too, if you for example have taken one too many videos of sleeping men or often spend the last of your money on glittery nail varnish.

Bey and Jay? Well problem one, I have to leave in God's and BeyJay's therapist's capable hands. Problem 2 could probably be solved by me purchasing a travel sized deodrant, and carrying it in my bag. But 3-10. That is where Loner. Lover. Friend comes in. Because:

 Loner. Lover. Friend will push me to do exciting things as I'll want to write about them, and most importantly some of these things will be stuff I do by myself (hence the loner bit of Loner. Lover. Friend). The creative fulfilment of blog writing, combined with me getting more quality me time which is not eating soup and watching TV (as great as that it is) will make me a much more rounded and independent person, totally fixing problem 10. 

As I'll spend more time writing my blog, I won't go out as much meaning I will consume less alcohol, burgers and Oreo cookie milkshakes (curing problems 7-9), and as blog writing is free (whereas unfortunately Oreo cookie milkshakes are not) I will have enough money left over to both pay my council tax and still have plenty left over for clothes and nail varnish. Bye bye problems 3,4 and 5. 

6 is a bit of a push bearing in mind this the 3rd blog I have attempted and I have never posted more than 3 times, but still, problem 6 will be solved as maybe I will become such an excellent blogger that I will be just sitting in Starbucks, eating some marshmallow twizzles and blogging 3 days a week, and need only work part time to supplement my income. Ok, so maybe not problem 6, but 7 out of 10 ain't bad. 

I hope it fixes 7 out of 10 of your problems too, thanks for getting all the way to the bottom of the longest about page ever! 

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